I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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