i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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