Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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