you traded sex for a burrito?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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