Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
