I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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