I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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