If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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