Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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