Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
