in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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