my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Soap is not a condiment
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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