8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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