these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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