I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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