i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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