Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I will pee on everything he values.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
