I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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