And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize