Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize