He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
