I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
