I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I look better un-naked...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
