Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
