God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
