if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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