I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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