I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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