wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
my poor anus
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
