Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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