I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
