either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
No subtext here. People are naked.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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