Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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