My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
