There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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