Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
