Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Vodka?
Forever.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
