youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
