i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
