dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
