just come out here and I will go home with you...
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
