there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
