I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
4 words: hood of his car
I could have mohawked her pubes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
