I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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