made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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