i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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