he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
