great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize