I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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