In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
