we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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