I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
