I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
