He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize