I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
