Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
