Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize