You really coming over, don't trick.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
