I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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