why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
