Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
