plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I could fuck to npr.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
