My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize