A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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