Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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