i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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