first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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