can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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