Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
