she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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