We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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