I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
