this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
