I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
