Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
