You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize