it's too hot outside to masturbate.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
