Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
