I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
