She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She bit a glass in half.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
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