Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
