i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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