does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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