I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
