My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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