yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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