I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
