if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
