I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
