what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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