He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
