yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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