If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i drank out of a bidet.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize