Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
