Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
