We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
