Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize