I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
