i just google imaged poop.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
