We're like a lot better than the average bears
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
