I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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