ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
