i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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