Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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