just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's shark week go big or go home
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
